Ann, my psychiatrist, was happy to see me. It was unnecessary to make a change to my medication, but I needed an ear.

She was happy to listen, and I gave her an update first on the children just to get myself talking. I was; however, feeling a little depressed at the current moment. Isabella was great, Liam was great, and I was just so-so. I needed a change. I was still writing creatively which was my only outlet. I was nearly halfway thru my book, and I had given a copy to Belle over the weekend for her to have a look. She was so used to reading financial analysis, that I thought she would enjoy the change. I was sixty-eight and I wondered if I would ever find love.

I explained to Ann that while I wanted to look for love, what I really wanted was for it to find me. Mother was getting old, and she was now ninety, and it seemed that in the blink of an eye that I might be ninety also. Ann was happy to listen, and encouraged me to be a little more aggressive. I had made myself so busy with the children after Paul, that I made no time for myself. There was baseball for Liam, and the professional world for Belle.

The most recent shopping trip is what prompted my visit to Ann. While Isabella and I had a great time in Tennessee and North Carolina for a few days, the evening at the club made me weary and sad. I had wished for a man to be with me. Just a nice fellow who would enjoy the fine food and fine wine that I do, and that would love, appreciate and enjoy my children. It had also been a while since I thought of Brady. "Was he really in the back recesses of my memory at this point?"

What I did know; was despite the weather, it was time to visit Liam at Middlebury. It had also been a while since I had visited mother; and although I kept her in notes, I knew her health was declining day by day, and it would soon be time for an assisted living community to enter the picture.

Once I finished with Ann, I gave myself a month to "be aggressive". I promised to continue with my medication, and she advised adding 3 mg to my Abilify, bringing the dosage up to 5 mg. Tis would hopefully give me an added boost.

I would leave Friday for Vermont, and be there for a week.